"The Book of Shao'Kehn Spewing Sane Insanity" (TBOSSSI) Continued.




"Of course you would disagree.
The fact that we know right and wrong instinctively throws a monkey wrench in your beliefs."
--CBOBS, Words of a "Loving Christian" 800:69 Judy Dehaven






Children are sacred

In Trelli law (the law of my people--well, it's not really a law because there is no government, but everyone follows this law anyway) it is intense blasphemy to harm a child in any way--people harming a child intentionally and exiled to the wild to fend for themselves (an almost certain death). Anyone who does anything to a child without the child's consent is either ostracized or exiled, depending on the severity of the incident. And the most intense blasphemy, the one in which the Trelli will move completely out of charecter for, is child murder. Anyone who intentionally kills a child is arrested and fed to a Pit Plant with no means of defence. This has only happened three times since The Reformation.

Shao'Kehn SPEAKS:

"Fire is wise is good is cold and hot and not and yes and free and three is four is nine is six is is hot is nothing less and how many do you think are free to be bee see thee thou thine wine sex is good and bad and neither and both and perfect and we love you and I love me and how are you today sir maam child all are sacred innocent playing free on the breeze so gay in the day so right at night in bed their little heads so cute and cuddling with their mommies and I love them I am the spirits in the breeze protecting them from monsters people bad people and I am here don't fear I'll hold you close in my arms and rock you to sleep don't make a peep no need to count sheep and how are you today you slept a long time and now its morning time to go to school but first you need breakfast the most important meal of the day will be beautiful and look at the sun rising how pretty how nice are the kids at your school and how cruel the bullies but I am your guardian I will watch over you and hold you in my arms so you can sleep peacefully each night knowing all monsters are gone and done for someone else is not going to know I was here but you so don't fear I am the one who loves you no matter what I am the protector and I don't care that you sleep naked you were born that way if I'd meant you to be otherwise I would've made you born with clothes or fur but I made you that way and I love you that way so go ahead be free I will be here beside you no one will hurt you not if I can help it no no no one will be able to hurt you are eternal your soul will never die no matter what happens to your body so sleep deep and make not a peep I will love you always keep you in my arms and kiss you on your cheecks while you sleep so peacefully in my arms so good night sleep tight I won't let the beg bugs bite."



(sHsHsH, dOn'T tElL hEr yOuR "sEcrEt")
--Omegadawn (Damage Control)

I am really starting to feel sorry for you. Wow, I'll get over it soon."
--CBOBS, Words of a "Loving Christian" 1:1 (FIREFORNOW)

"You are correct. She does not care. She is a fat hog from the CG (Christianity General) forum. All they know is rat pack stalking. She is history."
--CBOBS, Words of a "Loving Christian" 1:2 Judy Dehaven

John 13:34-35 "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
This is the Word of Jesus Christ.
Yet the so-called "Christian" fundamentalists heed this Commandment not at all.

Gypsy's reply:
"And for your own agenda you interprete this to mean EVERY living person? Re-read your own words."
--CBOBS,Words of a "Loving Christian" 1:2 Judy Dehaven (GYPSYESPRIT)

Discordian Numerology

Using numerology, I have determined people you should watch out for and avoid.

GEORGE WALKER BUSH, JUNIOR
7+5+15+18+7+5+23+1+12+11+5+18+2+21+19+8+10+21+14+9+15+19= 265
2+6+5= 13
1+3= 4
Four is his IQ. Avoid him.

BOB BARR (A congressman)
2+15+2+2+1+18+18= 58
5+8= 13
1+3= 4
4 is also his IQ. Avoid him.

GARY CONDIT
7+1+19+25+3+15+14+4+9+20= 117
1+1+7= 9
9 is the age he started being a freak. Avoid him.

Hang out with people whose name adds up to 666. Avoid people whose names add up to 700. Unless you think they're cool.

DON'T WORRY--IT GETS BETTER!


"Be a Bible Thumper--THUMP YOURSELF!"
--CBOBS, Words of Jesus While on an Acid Trip 97:108




Love Thyself! Love Yourself! Worship Yourself!

      The Goddess wants you to love yourself. She loves you, and wants you to love you too. So go on and treat yourself to a movie, a cadle-lit dinner for one, buy yourself a Valentine's Day gift, write love poems to yourself, stalk yourself, send yourself creepy phonecalls, and get a restraining order so you can't be within 50 feet of yourself. If nothing else, it'll freak out the police.

It is widely speculated that the Holy Bible of the Christians was written by a clone of Richard Nixon who was sent back in time by the Future Discordian Rulers of the World as one hell of a big laugh. This would explain much.


"Some rather backwards religions prohibit dancing. The reason for this is thought to be
because dance is the act of Divine Creation, and they KNOW it! Of course, it may also be a
simple case that they saw John Travolta dancing, and were appalled."
--CBOBS, Revelations 14:3, chapter 29

BOOGIE DOWN! SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER!



Yes, it is official that...

...even Shao'Kehn (Eris) hated the last episode of Seinfeld.
...there are no honest politicians.
...George W. Bush is an Exploded Aneristic Avatar.
...sex is good. (snicker, snicker)
...Jesus was an acid tripper.
...the government is hiding something!
...hip-hoppers are still looking for booty.


"Ben Stein is a reincarnated Greek God, and one sexy hunk of a man!"
--Shao'Kehn.

ABOUT EMPEROR NORTON

Emperor Joshua Norton was a born in England in 1819, and came to America and San Francisco later to find his fortune. After 10 years, he found himself penniless. So then, he declared himself Emperor of The United States and Protector of Mexico. His charm amused a local newspaper editor, who ran his story in the paper.
      He was an amiable and charming fellow who was always kind to people. He would walk around San Francisco (his capital city) in an old army uniform inspecting everything to make sure it was working, made sure that there was no rubbish in the drains, and make sure that all was going smoothly. His second Proclamation, to abolish Congress for not doing the job right, amused the San Franciscans. If he was displeased with some agency, company, or so forth, he would abolish it, but he would reinstate it if someone asked nicely. His "royal subjects" adored him. They stood up when he entered a room, and bowed to him as he passed.
      For twenty years, the people of San Francisco gladly helped pay for his food and lodging, though he probably didn't realize it. He died on January 8, 1880. It took two days for 10,000 of his loyal subjects to file past his coffin to pay their last respects. His burial site is now a shrine to many people, including many Discordians.



"You can't teach a religious fundamentalist any manners."
--CBOBS, Hugh Hefner's Pants 1:1:3



The "Eyes Half Open" Award!

An annual award awarded to the Fundamentalist Christian forum on Delphi that can put up with my Discordian Wisdumb the longest.

This year's winner is...

The Christianity Versus the Darkness forum! (link)

Owned by Judy Dehaven (Gypsyesprit), this forum is a seething cesspool of fundie scum, and the only reason I was tolerated so long is because "Gysp" is a halfway-decent person. My first post was December 16, 2001 at 2:37 pm, and my last one was March 2, 2002 at 5:09 pm., making it a 2 month and 14 day stay!

Here is your award:

I, "CHRISTIANITY VERSUS THE DARKNESS FORUM," HAVE WON THE "EYES HALF OPEN" AWARD!!!

Also awarded to this forum will be the "Acid-Trippers Anonymous" Award, for not only tolerating me, but making me a MODERATOR in their forum! Here is your award:

I, "CHRISTIANITY VERSUS THE DARKNESS FORUM," HAVE WON THE "ACID-TRIPPERS ANONYMOUS" AWARD!!!

(few days later) Again, we see a need for another award: The "Consistently A Hippocrite" Award!!! I have been informed by my spies that the owner of the Christianity versus the Darkness forum, who rails against Pagans and Atheists, after having made me a moderator despite being Pagan, after having booted me out being Pagan and Discordian after her brain processed all the information, I have now found out that she has already replaced me... WITH A PAGAN AND AN ATHEIST!!! HOW HYPOCRITICAL CAN ONE PERSON GET??? So here is your THIRD award:


I, "CHRISTIANITY VERSUS THE DARKNESS FORUM," HAVE THE "CONSISTENTLY A HIPPOCRITE" AWARD!!!



It is plain to me that the people of the Christianity versus the Darkness, the people of that dark, cold, windy, negative forum, need a bajillion Big Warm Hugs from all the cool people of MY forum, All Is One! So here you are: 84 Bajillion Big Warm Hugs!!!

"Kathleen is a mad dog hog. Her intelligence matches yours."
--CBOBS, Words of a "Loving Christian" 183:14 Judy Dehaven ("Gypsy")



How The Universe is Held Together

There are three energies, IMHO--The Paper, The Duct Tape, and The Wall. The Universe is a kind of invisible energy called The Wall on which The Divine tapes all the universes (The Paper) onto it with The Duct Tape. (Duct tape is like the Force--it has a light side, a dark side, and holds the universe together.)

All types of energy that we can "see," like matter, heat, radiation, light, are The Paper. The energy we can't see, the stuff it's all suspended in/on is The Wall, and it's all held together with The Duct Tape.

A Picture to relieve the boredom:



"Iowa recently had a sesquacentennial--don't ask me how to spell it, much less how to pronounce it! It means "150th Anniversary" of the day it became a state. Who the hell celebrates an 150th anniversary? I suppose the same people who make corn into gasoline. That shows how much surplus corn and time we've got here--can NO ONE think of a better use of time?       "This was obviously the work of a Discordian--only a Discordian would think of a word like sesquacentennial!"
--CBOBS, The Idiot Speaks 13:43.6



"Oooh, the pretty colors!"
--CBOBS, Biography of George W. Bush 9:1:1

"(I also fear) absolute xtian domination. As today's events at C(hristianity) vs. (the) D(arkness) show, that would be intolerable. They even deleted your "leaving now" thread. She couldn't even leave you that courtasy, m'lady."
--Nightmare (TarotZero)



"ENEMY" INFILTRATION!
I have been let back in to C versus D by one of the moderators!!! WOO-HOO!!! ONE DISCORDIAN MIND-FUDGE COMING UP!!! LOTSA BIG WARM HUGS FOR ALL!!!




The Crappy Book of Bull Shit
Being a BIBLE of Shoikinistic Discordians

And how it was revealed to POPE FAY THE FAINTLY SAINTLY DAINTY, Un-sinister Minister of The First Church of The Knife of Shao'Kehn and Her Cutting Remarks, Founder of The "People From Other Planets" League of Nations, and Founder of The Shoikinistic Cabal of Eris By Other Names (TSCOEBON).

From the Crappy Book of Bull Shit
The Book of Revelations 1:1, Chapter 1.

1. Upon reflection and meditation on the Sacred Image of Shao'Kehn/Eris as a 10-armed, 6-legged Dark Goddess, Pope Fay wast struck down forcefully by a powerful white light and stunned.

2. Upon Fay's waking, Shao'Kehn/Eris said, "Oops. Sorry about that." Pope Fay didst Look Up in Amazement and saw a Beautiful Dark Face with Dark Hair and Dark Eyes, smiling at Pope Fay. Pope Fay didst blink in astonishment and said, "Holy shit, how didst Thou get in here?" And in answer She said, "You left your door unlocked. You should remember to lock it."

3. And being half-sane with unbelief, Pope Fay didst remember the words of a christian friend of hers, and didst say unto Shao'Kehn: "What wouldst Thou sayest if I asked You to leave in the name of Jesus the Christ?" And Shao'Kehn didst merely laugh so hard that milk squirted out of Her nose, and somehow She also replied, "Jesus Christ was one of My Disciples!!!" Pope Fay also laughed, and said, "That's what I thought you'd say!"

4. It wast then that Pope Fay didst look at Shao'Kehn and asked, "Why art Thou here?" Shao'Kehn replied, "Cummon, Fay, speak plain English." Whence Fay said, "Okay, if you say so."

5. Then Shao'Kehn said, "I'm bored. Wanna do something fun?" Fay said, "What did You have in mind?" Shao'Kehn said, "If you could have anything you wanted, what would you have?" Fay, quite red with embarrassment, replied, "I've never... uh... I'd ask for... uh... I want to--" Shao'Kehn didst smile a knowing smirk and say, "I know what you're thinking, you naughty, naughty person!"

6. And thus, for 9 days and 9 nights, Shao'Kehn and Pope Fay didst play a game of Charades, in which began Pope Fay's Shoikinistic/Discordian Enlightenment as Shao'Kehn didst tell her of a religion called Discordianism, which would fit perfectly with Fay's current beliefs, and in which Shao'Kehn revealed that She was Eris as Fay had known Her in a past life on another planet.

7. And when they tired of Charades, they played Scrabble for another 9 days and 9 nights, in which Shao'Kehn wrote the First Inspirations for The Crappy Book of Bull Shit, by telling Pope Fay about The Dubious Book of Waz, The Principia Discordia, and mentioning The Dishonest Book of Lies. Furthermore, She spelled out all of Fay's Discordian Enlightenment. Shao'Kehn only won half of the games, though.

8. And when they tired of Scrabble, they danced together for 9 days and 9 nights, in which wast Revealed the beginning steps of The Crappy Book of Bull Shit and the beginning steps of The Book of Shao'Kehn Spewing Sane Insanity. And it was Revealed that Fay's Entire Life Upon Earth was to Enlighten her to the Discordian religious philosophy, and Just For The Hell Of It.

9. And, after 54 days/nights of Enlightenment, Pope Fay was thoroughly Confused and Exhausted, but loved Shao'Kehn so intensely that she did not want Shao'Kehn to go. The two stared into each other's eyes, and walked hand-in-hand to the couch and sat together, where for 9 days and 9 nights they *end of document*

UPDATE: It has been discovered that on the last 9 days and 9 nights, Shao'Kehn and Fay wrote poetry together. Sorry to disappoint you. :-)




"The day I become a Christian will be the day Jesse Jackson becomes a Satanist."
--CBOBS, The Idiot Speaks 69:69



REMEMBER! SHOW YOUR WORK!!!

AN ESSAY ABOUT MATH

The Finite Math class I've been taking lately has been very enlightening, for the reason of it being so confusing! Upon meditation on matrices [may-trih-sees, plural of "matrix"] and on probability problems, I'd say the odds are 10 to 1 in favor of no one understanding any of it, except maybe for people who are math geniuses in a past or present life. It is plain to me that math was invented by Shao'Kehn/Eris in order to try to enlighten people by confusing them. I mean, the guy who invented the "high-pot-in-noose of the triangle" thing wrote a book called "Principia Mathematica," which sounds an awful lot like "Principia Discordia!"
However, since 90% of people fall asleep in class, others have gone forth to divide and conquer or to multiply, and 9% "get it," this seems to be failing miserably--like the person who is almost never in class.




"You see all of the complexity of the universe around you, and yet you HONESTLY think that God is a MALE???"
--CBOBS, The Idiot Speaks 123:45


Time to move on!
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