“What Once Was Coloured”

A Discordian “Bedtime Story” Fable

As revealed by

The Profit-Saint Fayanora

AKA “Pope Fay”

AKA Tristan Arts

O riginally, the sky was blue with neon green polka dots. The rest of the world was an explosion of colours as well. Also, the air was fresh and clean, and life thrived. Good Chaos frisked about the land, spreading joy and laughter in the face of bad things that occasionally happened, as life needs to feed off of death. The people were generally kindly, were of many more colours than people today, and generally had very healthy outlooks on life. People usually only went without food or starved if there was a massive, long-extensive drought, for one did not see politics hurting the people back then. Peoples’ outlooks on life were generally fairly good.

T hen one day, a woman named Juliet the Star-crossed was violently gang-raped by a band of wandering thieves, but for some reason her life was spared. After the incident, she wished they had killed her, for then she would be spared from the anguish, torment, and shame. For she had become pregnant from that horrible incident, and resented the baby, which she considered an abomination. For she belonged to a tribe of small-minded people who exiled her for this “abominable” out-of-wedlock baby, though it had been no fault of hers. She was thus forced to wander around from town to town, living off of handouts and food she sometimes stole.

O ne other day, though, she wandered into a village where the people were very nice to her. She still felt miserable of course, but the villagers were sure it wouldn’t last forever. So they tried very hard to cheer her up, but eventually just went about their normal ways, which was actually more cheerful than them trying so hard. They cared for the baby while in the womb, and all awaited the day this little bundle of joy would come into the world.

H owever, when the baby was finally ready to be born, there were major problems. Juliet went into labor early, and the baby had to be turned in the womb. When he started to come out, he was being choked by the umbilical cord, and he started to slide back into the womb. Desperate to save her baby (for she had grown to love him while in the village), and seeing her options limited, she commanded that the last possible option of surgically removing the baby be performed, despite the possibility that she may die. So they did as she commanded, and no matter how hard they tried, they saved the baby, but Juliet died in the process.

T his baby was named Ashen, for his pale complexion, sad face, and lack of a mother. Though he had a wet nurse who cared for him as her own child, it was as though Ashen knew from day one that his life had been the result of one tragedy after another. He went though life forever scarred, and things only got worse. He was the victim of many broken bones, cuts, and very scary events such as falling from a tree. Also, he was teased by the other kids, who teased and taunted him for having a white complexion when almost all of the other villagers had green skin. Also, he began to bemoan his fate as a white complexioned person in a world where people were any of one or more colors of the rainbow, and not realizing that white was composed of ALL colors. But, he became such a melancholy child in this world of color and joy that he became known as Ashen the Grey-Faced.

O ver time, Ashen’s outlook grew worse, as he began to suffer more and more tragedy. He eventually became so angered with the world that he changed his name to merely Greyface, and took pride in the name. From there, he went out into the world and released his intense rage so powerfully that he gave speeches that would make Hitler’s speeches look pussyfooting and weak. And as we all know, Greyface preached that Order was good, and ALL Chaos was bad. He preached that the world was an orderly place, and one should not go around being silly and happy when the world was a very dark, sinister, and serious place. He was so filled with this rage that he did not realize that the nature of Good Chaos was to fill one’s life with laughter, to reduce the hurt of the world. For if you cannot laugh, you have already died. In this way, Greyface was the ultimate undead.

Inconceivable as it may seem, people were converted to his sick way of thinking. Eventually, Excessive Order was so worshipped by silly, disillusioned people that Greyface became a Gawd. He then tore down the neon green polka dots out of the sky. He tore all colours off of people other than “sensible colours” like brown, black, white, pink, and various shades of tan. No more green, purple, orange, fuchsia, or electric-blue coloured people, no sir! The world soon came to be of uniform colours. But it wasn’t enough for him.

He continued by inventing government, bureaucracy, and the industrial revolution. His ideas polluted the Earth our home with toxic gases, oil, gasoline, toxic chemicals, nuclear waste, and cancer-causing chemicals in our water and food! He turned the skies grey, and chained the previously free peoples of Earth to the clock, locking them in boxes all their life---playpens, houses, cars, and cubicles. Ashen the Grey-Faced must be stopped before the world is forever locked in a box to be shipped off to be cremated in the pyre of “progress,” sacrificed

at the altar of

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order.

(The End)